Excuses

My students have forgotten their homework a time or two this year. Usually they give me the normal excuses about forgetting it on the table or that it magically disappeared from their backpack. The school year is almost over, and I have been getting a little bored with the same old excuses. I asked my students to write some new ones down, and here is what they gave me: 


Dear Miss Eberly,
I was putting my homework in my backpack when someone came and snapped my report. It was a unicorn! He told me my report will destroy the earth in the year 2999.
"I was sended here to destroy it by Mr. Baconeggs," he said. I stared at him.
I said, "Oh, come on! It's my report!"
Then he said, " I'll trade it, what do you want?"
"A fairy!" I screamed.
"Oh, well, that's easy," he replied as he gave me a fairy. And that's why I don't have my homework.
Sincerely,
Your student
.............................

(The following student came up with his best and worst excuse)

Best excuse:
"Miss Eberly," I said.
"Yes, Sam?"
"My dog likes to chew on whatever he can get to."
"Go on."
"So I left my homework on the coffee table and when I got home from my friend's, I saw my dog ripping it up."
"Oh, that's too bad. Good thing I have an extra copy!"

Worst excuse:
"Miss Eberly, alien invaders took my homework for a sample of DNA."
"Clip down twice, Sam."
(Back at home)
"Hey, Birg, she didn't believe me," I said to the alien.
"Orble blop," the alien said.


The next day I asked my students for some ideas about what a teacher's excuse might be if she didn't show up to school. I figured it is good to have a few ideas in my arsenal in case my alarm doesn't go off or something. Here are some ideas: 

Dear Principal,
I was doing my breakfast when my bacon came to me and said, "I am Mr. Evilbacon. I came here to tell you I am going to destroy the world!"
I screamed. "Wait! How are you going to destroy the world?" He didn't have time to answer. I picked him up and ate him. Then I thought I was going crazy. I went to a psychologist. That's why I didn't come to school.
Truly yours,
The teacher

.............................
.
Her excuse was that she drank too much ice tea.
We asked her, "What about singing the electricity song*?"
She said that she was singing the song to herself at home.
"Did you get a late slip?" we asked.
"No," she replied, "but I was very close to getting one."
"We played games while we waited for you to come to school," we told her. We knew that she wasn't going to say anything about that!
(*The electricity song is our current 4th grade obsession. It is a science rap that we sing at least three times a day.)
.............................

My teacher forgot school. Her house flooded with ice tea. She was drinking it all! Finally her house was dry and she came back to school.

.............................

"Oh, I am so sorry children," she'd say. "I didn't come to school because yesterday I brought Mr. Robot* to school. After you all left, Mr. Robot broke down and gasoline went everywhere. The gasoline almost touched Scaredy Squirrel*, so he was freaking out for 30 minutes, and then he fainted. I had to take him to the hospital so they could get all the germs off of him. And that is why I didn't come to school."
(*Mr. Robot is the name of this robot necklace that I wear to school.)
(*Scaredy Squirrel is our favorite fictitious squirrel.) 
.............................

She had to grade all the papers from October to now, so she stayed home. But suddenly, a group of aliens came and took her to Mars. The leader said he wanted DNA.
"Whoa, that's awesome!" she said.
"You wont say that when you're in an alien lab," the aliens replied evilly.

.............................

I can't read Miss Eberly's mind, so I will guess her excuses. The one she could use is "I am very sick." "I have a problem" would also be a good excuse. There are some excuses she couldn't use, like "I became a mermaid" or "The aliens invaded my house." Next time, Miss Eberly should just check her calendar, and that way she'll remember to come to school!

We have just two and a half weeks of school left. Hopefully I have time to try out one or two of these excuses.