Excuses

My students have forgotten their homework a time or two this year. Usually they give me the normal excuses about forgetting it on the table or that it magically disappeared from their backpack. The school year is almost over, and I have been getting a little bored with the same old excuses. I asked my students to write some new ones down, and here is what they gave me: 


Dear Miss Eberly,
I was putting my homework in my backpack when someone came and snapped my report. It was a unicorn! He told me my report will destroy the earth in the year 2999.
"I was sended here to destroy it by Mr. Baconeggs," he said. I stared at him.
I said, "Oh, come on! It's my report!"
Then he said, " I'll trade it, what do you want?"
"A fairy!" I screamed.
"Oh, well, that's easy," he replied as he gave me a fairy. And that's why I don't have my homework.
Sincerely,
Your student
.............................

(The following student came up with his best and worst excuse)

Best excuse:
"Miss Eberly," I said.
"Yes, Sam?"
"My dog likes to chew on whatever he can get to."
"Go on."
"So I left my homework on the coffee table and when I got home from my friend's, I saw my dog ripping it up."
"Oh, that's too bad. Good thing I have an extra copy!"

Worst excuse:
"Miss Eberly, alien invaders took my homework for a sample of DNA."
"Clip down twice, Sam."
(Back at home)
"Hey, Birg, she didn't believe me," I said to the alien.
"Orble blop," the alien said.


The next day I asked my students for some ideas about what a teacher's excuse might be if she didn't show up to school. I figured it is good to have a few ideas in my arsenal in case my alarm doesn't go off or something. Here are some ideas: 

Dear Principal,
I was doing my breakfast when my bacon came to me and said, "I am Mr. Evilbacon. I came here to tell you I am going to destroy the world!"
I screamed. "Wait! How are you going to destroy the world?" He didn't have time to answer. I picked him up and ate him. Then I thought I was going crazy. I went to a psychologist. That's why I didn't come to school.
Truly yours,
The teacher

.............................
.
Her excuse was that she drank too much ice tea.
We asked her, "What about singing the electricity song*?"
She said that she was singing the song to herself at home.
"Did you get a late slip?" we asked.
"No," she replied, "but I was very close to getting one."
"We played games while we waited for you to come to school," we told her. We knew that she wasn't going to say anything about that!
(*The electricity song is our current 4th grade obsession. It is a science rap that we sing at least three times a day.)
.............................

My teacher forgot school. Her house flooded with ice tea. She was drinking it all! Finally her house was dry and she came back to school.

.............................

"Oh, I am so sorry children," she'd say. "I didn't come to school because yesterday I brought Mr. Robot* to school. After you all left, Mr. Robot broke down and gasoline went everywhere. The gasoline almost touched Scaredy Squirrel*, so he was freaking out for 30 minutes, and then he fainted. I had to take him to the hospital so they could get all the germs off of him. And that is why I didn't come to school."
(*Mr. Robot is the name of this robot necklace that I wear to school.)
(*Scaredy Squirrel is our favorite fictitious squirrel.) 
.............................

She had to grade all the papers from October to now, so she stayed home. But suddenly, a group of aliens came and took her to Mars. The leader said he wanted DNA.
"Whoa, that's awesome!" she said.
"You wont say that when you're in an alien lab," the aliens replied evilly.

.............................

I can't read Miss Eberly's mind, so I will guess her excuses. The one she could use is "I am very sick." "I have a problem" would also be a good excuse. There are some excuses she couldn't use, like "I became a mermaid" or "The aliens invaded my house." Next time, Miss Eberly should just check her calendar, and that way she'll remember to come to school!

We have just two and a half weeks of school left. Hopefully I have time to try out one or two of these excuses. 

Tuna Sandwich: A Salute to My Mom

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

This is where I should post one old/extremely awkward picture of us, but as I was looking through all the files on my computer, I just found too many good ones.

Let's start with Suzi's VERY unaccurate portrayal of the family, including her Rapunzel-length hair and Goliath sized height.

Aren't we cute?

Next I would like to salute your baking ability and note that it is greatly missed down here in Nicaragua. Regrettably, I managed to miss that gene completely.

As I look through pictures, I wonder if I inherited my love for video games from your side of the family.
Here we have Gramps showing off his Wii Bowling skills:

And here you and Aunt Connie are chopping fruit like it's going out of style:

So it should be natural that the girls and I spend a ridiculous amount of time playing Mario Kart, right?

I think it is also fair to say that you taught me that stuffed animals have feelings and that they are up to no good when humans aren't looking.

Which is probably why the girls and I take photos like this when no one is looking, and why a three-eyed alien is staring at me as I type this out on my bed:

Thanks for being the best, Mom!
Love you and missing you down here in Nica Land.

P.S. I'm hungry. Can you make me a tuna sandwich?

The Best Kind of Stories

All classes are different, and even if you teach the same content in the same way, groups of students learn and react differently. My current class has blown me away with their approach to learning the Bible. They seem to view the Bible as more of a story book. A real, life-giving, thrilling, story. I mean, that's what it is, but how often do I view it like that? I shamelessly promote reading in my class, and we cherish a good read aloud and squeeze every class minute for extra silent reading time. I know my students like to read, but the fact that they like to read and learn from the Bible makes me very happy. Usually before I can even tell them to open their Bibles, hands are in the air and the questions come firing:

What is David going to do today? 
When will the temple be built? 
Who is the next king we get to talk about? 
Is this king actually going to make good choices? 
I am getting nervous for Israel, what's going to happen today? 

Most of the time they have already flipped ahead in their Bibles and try to guess what we will talk about that day. Picking up from where we left off, they are ready to read the next installment of the story. We dive head first into our reading, and promptly run into some roadblocks. The Bible was not written at a 4th grade reading level. My class is full of students whose first language is not English. "What just happened exactly?" is a popular question. We discuss. We draw family trees and diagrams. I act out scenes. We create chronological lists of kings in the pocket chart on the wall. We pick apart character traits like it was reading class and discuss war and treaties like it was history class. At the end we always have to stop and think how it applies to us. What can we learn? What is God trying to show us?

As we studied the kings of Israel, we spent a week focusing on the prophet Elijah. He had the tough job of trying to point the wicked, stubborn kings back to God. My students made paper characters and scenes to teach the class about some of Elijah's miracles.

My class cracks me up because they literally cheer for the kings when they make a good choice. They groan when another wicked king takes the throne. They appreciate the prophets and the tough jobs they had. "Seems like they mostly get thrown in jail and get yelled at," one student observed.

Our study of the Old Testament has shown us that God is both merciful and just. We decided that we are VERY thankful he is both. I have decided I am thankful that my students like a good story. I am more thankful they know the Bible is a true story, and the best one we have.